If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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