i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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