im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
