GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
