No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Two words: nipple clamps
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