Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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