I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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