We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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