video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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