I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
