I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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