She said her name was "party"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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