everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we're making bets on your personal life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
