We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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