The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
