So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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