OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
