My first STD was from a foam party
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize