No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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