Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
