If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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