Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
