I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
