I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
