so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
