You really coming over, don't trick.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
