There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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