if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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