Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
