Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
