Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
