I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
