Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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