dude i'm inner monologue high
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
