last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
