my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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