apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
