it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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