I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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