I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
