Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
