My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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