Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
