he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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