looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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