rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
