even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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