i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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