Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
