Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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