i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My bed smells like the plague
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
