You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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