I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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