I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
