You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
