yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
