I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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