What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize