it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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