the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
