why didn't you poke me back
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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