They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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