So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
