i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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