I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
