Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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