At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
