haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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