Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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